Englewood Tent City - Million dollar construction nearing completion

NEWS ALERT: (Update 2:20 p.m. 8/28/09) The Englewood, New Jersey estate, owned by the Libyan terrorist state, was an unimproved eye sore, until two weeks ago.  Construction since then has been almost non-stop, day and night, getting the premises ready for accommodating the still humble, Colonel Khadafy (40 years in power and he still hasn't made General) during his impending UN visit in September.  Because of Khadafy's well known, even famous parsimony, (He does live in a used tent), the commencement of these expensive housing preparations compels but one conclusion - The State Department's already issued visa authorizes Khadafy to travel from New York to the Garden State, where he has planted such poisonous roots.

ELITE MEMBER bonus - Should you be reading this item, then your Elite status has been automatically renewed.  Congratulations, you are now eligible to enter the Ali Mohmed Death Panel Prostate Cancer Date of Passing Lottery - choose three months (and he dies in 90 days) get Life Time Free Elite Membership; choose six months (dies 180 days) get two year free renewal; choose nine months (dies in 270) get free pre-natal care for first born grandchild; choose twelve months and get a free weekend in New Jersey; choose more than twelve months get a free vacation in Tripoli, Libya tent included.  Entries must be received by September 12th.

Why is it always New Jersey? Or, don't cry for Me Englewood

Credible reports (their credibility flowing inevitably from their consistency with my belief system) report that the single Scottish Doctor who examined Pan Am bomber Abdel Base Ali Mohmed al-Megtahi was the current Chairman of Great Britain's National Health System End of Life Counseling Board.  Commentators have asserted that this government bureaucrat thinks that the majority of individuals he evaluates have but three months or less to live.   Chairman Orwell stated that no further care would be budgeted for Ali Mohmed, because he had no prospects again to contribute productively to western society, did not have any income while requiring significant government services 24/7 365 days a year.

Therefore, Ali Mohmed was flown back to Libya for a heroes welcome on a Libyian National Airlines, Boeing 747 commercial airliner - no irony there. 

Our President has an opportunity to show meaningful moral leadership to the entire very much watching world - Yes, give Khadafy his UN visa (required by treaty), but limit his travel to Manhattan only.  Jersey is home to families of some thirty plus Lockerbie  victims.  What possible reason would exist to grant special treatment to this murderous terrorist? 

No Honor among Thieves or Criminal (defense) Lawyers

Despite being within a short walk of the Kennedy Hyannis compound, the Chosen One apparently was too busy conferencing with his Attorney General regarding the appointment of a Special Prosecutor to investigate CIA officers for engaging in "harsh" interrogation techniques on mass murders to visit the ailing last brother.  Golfing too, but that's worthy.

To my mind, the simulated shooting of a terrorist in the next interrogation room (by firing a blank round w/n. ear shot of the terrorist being questioned, followed by the CIA questioner yelling out to the shooter: "Hey, save a bullet, he wouldn't talk and his time is about up") is

not torture.  Mental cruelty, by scaring a terrorist w/. threats never carried out, is surely mean and even unseemly.  (Burning to death thousands in the World Trade Center towers is beyond words, and to prevent future attacks, I expect  the CIA to deal harshly with the responsible terrorists.)  It is not prohibited by any US statute or international treaty, however.

What is a federal felony is the disclosure of the identities of CIA covert operatives, e.g. Valerie Plame.  Now, we learn that ACLU lawyers for these same terrorists showed them photos of CIA agents, in hopes of identifying these covert operatives for use at upcoming trials where their names would have to become public.  

I await the Commander in Chief's announcement of the appointment of a Special Prosecutor to investigate these egregious violations of the Intelligence Identities Protection Act of 1982.

CC Rule 2947: Timing is Every Thing

In deference to Code of Conduct Rule 1473, let just say: Edward Moore Kennedy R.I.P. and thank you for such a timely reminder not to put off until tomorrow, what is best done right away.

Open Mike Update - Errata sheet on Floating Bubbles

This opinion Column, still awaiting... Sorry, you already know syndication status.

What needs to be clarified, however, is that Code of Conduct Rule 1471 mandates that whenever a greater truth is illustrated thru a hyperbolically exaggerated spoof (hyperbole) or an thru an out and out false statement, that this use of parody must be absolutely clear by the context or thru explicit identification of the particular truthful falsehood as being a "Parody".

So, in a strict constructionist application of CC 1471, Ted's dog is not really named Floating Bubbles.  Actually, his dog is called "Splash" - literal truth. 

"Open Mike day": First Listener Request Fulfilled

This Opinion Column, still awaiting syndication through MSM outlets, operates on a number of inflexible and rigorously enforced standards of journalistic ethics.

Rule number 1473 in the "Onsdorffersphere Code of Conduct" is to never speak ill of the dead. The terminally ill, however, better watch out, as we will not suffer fools gladly here.  In this vein, I definitely suggest that Ted Kennedy try to keep his head above the water line, which in his situation is way to close to the Mendoza Line.

First he names his new dog "Floating Bubbles", then he recuses himself full time from all Senatorial duties for the last five (5) months, while hiding from the Grim Reaper.  All well and good for him, but what about his constituents who elected him to stand tall for their interests in the Congress?

I kid you not, Ted weighed in on this serious issue in a letter to the Governor late last week, saying that upon his departure from his Senate seat, the critically important issues now confronting our Republic were too pressing to wait 5 months for a special election to be held to fill this "soon" to occur vacancy.  

Apparently, no one on the de facto former senator's staff told him of the irony of his wanting a working Senator appointed the minute he leaves Mass. high and dry yet again.

Yankees Make Meatloaf out of Bloody Soxes

As you know, two out of three ain't bad:

                                            Jeter - 1

                                              

                                                Cano - 1

                                           A -Rotten - 1

                                             Godzilla - 2

Beckett, Oh my.