Why Sports are more important than Life Itself

NO, loyal listeners from Venus, it is not because watching goes so well with drinking beer; Sports have such significance because Merit is always rewarded, the sensible Rules are always enforced by Disinterested Persons qualified to do so, and Wrong Doers are appropriately sanctioned to preserve the Integrity of the Game. In this alternative Universe, we from Mars have proof of the existence of GOD - the Office of the Commissioner.

So, after hearing of these random events, even the most pious may ask: Is God Dead?

* Derek Jeter fakes getting hit by a pitched baseball, thereby stealing first base. He has sinned.

* Derek Jeter then joked about his larceny - mortal sin, as both the Queen and the Ump were not amused.

* Philadelphia Eagles coaches allow concussed player (seen by the entire world knocked out cold) to return to play after five minutes of head injury testing on the sidelines.

* Eagles next day acknowledge severity of brain damage sufficient to hold player out of practice and games indefinitely.

* NFL Commissioner next day announces that five minutes of sideline testing was an inadequate amount of time for a thorough neurological evaluation.

* No one in Eagles organization, NFL management or NFL Players union acknowledge the obvious: We don't need no stinkin sideline testing; when a player goes down like a stone, he is no longer a player, but a patient sent to the hospital not sent back to the huddle. Shame on All.

*USC running back Reggie Bush self stripped of his Heisman Trophy for taking agent payments under the table. USC running back O.J. Simpson keeps his Heisman Trophy, allowing him to receive his annual candidate ballot, invitation to attend the Award Ceremonies and Award Dinner, open only to the living members of the Trophy Winners Club. O. J.'s travel to this NYC celebration each December remains discretionary, however, within the sole prerogative of the Nevada Commissioner of Prisons until 2039.

* Alex Rodriquez, after looking at a non-called third strike, hits a three run walk off home run.

Go figure.